I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
