ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize