evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize