I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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