I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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