we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
