Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
