you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
