If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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