Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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