Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
