is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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