Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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