My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
