well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
