I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
