I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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