And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
