im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
