I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
