what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
