Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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