My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
