took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
