carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
