There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there's paper in my vomit.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
