just tell him i said nine months
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
