Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
