It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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