I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
