ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
