maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
