I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
