my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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