I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
