I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
