I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
