What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
