I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
did you just send me my own nude
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
