I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
