He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
