You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
