Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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