So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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