i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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