I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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