It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
