he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
