When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
