so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
