its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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