I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
