Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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