If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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