I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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