I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've blown a few things in my day
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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