recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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