Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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