So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
