He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
