is wine microwaveable?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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