I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
