Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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