I will die if light touches me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
