Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
