erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
