I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm at about main and main street
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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