I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
