I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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