I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
