Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
