If i come over, it means nothing
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize