I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
