You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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