i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize