I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
