I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
