Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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