he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
